Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others - Ichiro Kishimi

• If you focus on what’s wrong with you, you might be looking for reasons to hate yourself on purpose.
• Our emotions don’t happen as a result of things, we have emotions in order to serve our own goals.
• Unhappiness is something that we choose for ourselves.
• Anger is a means to achieve a goal.
• Happiness is a feeling of contribution to something.
• The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked – when you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change int things of lightness.
• Life isn’t just hard. If the past determined everything and couldn’t be changed, we who are living today would no longer be able to take effective steps forward in our lives. What would happen as a result? We would end up with the kind of nihilism and pessimism that loses hope in the world and gives up on life.
• When one is trying to be oneself, competition will inevitably get in the way

• Right now, you are unable to feel really happy. This is because you have not learned to love yourself. And to try to love yourself, you are wishing to be reborn as a different person. You’re hoping to become like Y, and throw away who you are now.
• ‘The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.’ You want to be Y or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can make of your equipment.
• It does not matter if one is trying to walk in front of others or walk behind them it is as if we are moving through a flat space that has no vertical axis. We do not walk in order to compete with someone – it is in trying to progress past who one is now that there is value.
• People can change at any time, regardless of the environments they are in. You are only unable to change because you are making the decision not to.
• ‘If only I could be someone like Y, I’d be happy.’ As long as you live that way, in the realm of the possibility of ‘if only such and such were the case’, you will never be able to change. Because saying ‘if only I could be like Y’ is an excuse to yourself for not changing.
• It takes courage to see the world without any filter.
• ‘No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.’ That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.

• Change is simple. It is “us” who make it complicated.
• People cannot simply forget the past, and neither can they become free from it.
• Students preparing for their exams think, If I pass, life will be rosy. Company workers think, If I get transferred, everything will go well. But even when those wishes are fulfilled, in many cases nothing about their situations changes at all.
• ‘To get rid of one’s problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone.’ But one can’t do such a thing.
• If you keep feeling inferior and use it as an excuse, you won’t be able to grow.
• Being alone isn’t what makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people. That is to say, it is only in social contexts that a person becomes an ‘individual’.
• As long as there is someone out there somewhere, you will be haunted by loneliness.
• Since you are a human being, your fundamental responsibility is:
  > To reach your highest potential.
  > To become your ideal self.
  > To become the person you always wanted to be when you were a kid.

• When one seeks recognition from others, and concerns oneself only with how one is judged by others, in the end, one is living other people’s lives.
• In general, all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people’s tasks, or having one’s own tasks intruded on. Carrying out the separation of tasks is enough to change one’s interpersonal relationships dramatically.
• What other people think when they see your face—that is the task of other people, and is not something you have any control over.
• Sadly, most people live as if they are running a race. But in reality, we all have to race with ourselves without competing with others.
• Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges.
• It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.

• It is when one is able to feel I am beneficial to the community that one can have a true sense of one’s worth.
• The philosopher’s points could be summed up as follows: people can only be truly aware of their worth when they are able to feel ‘I am of use to someone’. However, it doesn’t matter if the contribution one makes at such a time is without any visible form. It is enough to have the subjective sense of being of use to someone, that is to say, a feeling of contribution.
• Self-acceptance is the vital first step. If you are able to possess the courage to be normal, your way of looking at the world will change dramatically.
• Life is always simple, not something that one needs to get too serious about. If one is living each moment earnestly, there is no need to get too serious.

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            "The Courage To Be Disliked" is a thoughtful and empowering book that brings a unique perspective to psychology. It offers practical guidance on how to live a happy and fulfilling life, and it stands out from other popular psychology books. The calm and rational approach of Eastern philosophy shines through, making it an accessible and valuable resource.

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Reasons to read it:

• The book challenges societal expectations and encourages readers to embrace their true selves, even if it means being disliked by others. It promotes the idea that true freedom comes from living authentically, without seeking validation or approval from others.
• The book provides insights on building healthier relationships and improving communication by focusing on empathy, mutual respect, and understanding.
• The book offers strategies for overcoming fear, self-doubt, and the need for social acceptance. It encourages readers to develop self-confidence and inner strength, enabling them to pursue their goals and dreams without being limited by the fear of judgment or criticism.

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Reasons to skip it:

• If you are not open to philosophical discussions or prefer self-help books with a more conventional approach may find the book's Adlerian psychology framework less appealing.